My first time

So, yesterday was my first day back to the gym. I haven’t been a visitor since I don’t even remember when. How very sad for my joints and my overall appearance. I am on the path of remedying that. I spent only an hour there, but for my first time, in a long time, i think i did good. Of course my body is aching now, but i feel good about myself.

So today is Sex and the City night..i hope i won’t be disappointed.

Sorry Ade, but i will comment on it. I’ll try not to give away too many details.

And for everybody else, don’t judge, i’m a girl after all, and i do enjoy sex and a drink, in whichever order.

Muah!

The First Sunny Weekend In May

So, finally we had a sunny weekend in May. To top it all off it was memorial day weekend too, thus extra long weekend, extra long time to enjoy the sun and do all the stuff you always wanted to do, but never had time to.

I made many plans and got to do none of them, as always. I’m not sure why i continue making these plans, i guess it’s fun. For that matter, i don’t even know why i keep writing in english…so stupid.

Anyways, cum ziceam, am petrecut weekend-ul doing nothing much, and much less interesting. Sambata am tuns iarba, si mi-am facut de lucru pe langa casa in timp ce bf a lucrat. Am stat mult prea mult in soare si m-am ales cu un caz de insolatie, ceea ce a rezultat in dureri enorme de cap si mult timp petrecut in baie.

Ahhh!! Am mai facut si doua toturi de fructe. Moi, just me. Nu ma prea pricep la cooking, deci de fiecare data cand ma apuc sa fac ceva si iese, e motiv de chef.

Duminica a fost o zi de family time. A venit Ramona si Ionica cu copiii si au facut ravagii. Its ok though, i love those kids, deci nu ma supar cand am de strans dupa ei. Ne-am uitat la cd-urile de la nunta lui fratele lui Ionica, care a avut loc anul trecut in vara. Si asa, 4 maturi au devenit copii again. Am urlat totzi pe acolo care recunoaste pe care, si uite cum arata ala si ala, si tot asa. A fost a walk on memory lane si noi toti ne-am simtit ca niste bunici ptr ca nu am prea recunoscut pe nimeni. Aproape pe la sfarsitul inregistrarilor am recunoscut pe mare mea iubire de la 14 ani. Il cheama Alin si cand aveam eu 14 ani el avea 21, some math..patience, so now he is 30!!!!! Holly shit! Anyways, tizn sa mentzionez ca nu mai arata deloc cum mi-l aminteam. Are o burta care il inhiba de la as-i vedea his “best” assets si pur si simplu arata ca un porc la craciun. Cred ca am apasat rewind de vre-o 3 ori ca sa ma asigur ca e el, ptr ca pur si simplu parea incredibil. S-a insurat si el anul trecut, si eu consider ca a fost norocul lui, ptr ca si-a gasit o nevasta foarte frumoasa si skinny!! (nu sunt shallow, dar come on!)

Stiu ca si eu m-am schimbat, dar totusi, nu imi vine sa cred ca 8 ani fac asa o mare diferenta.

Luni, ultima zi in the extended weekend, i made plans to go to the beach. Am impachetat niste sandwich-uri, suc, fructe, si ne-am pus pe drum. Half way there am realizat ca defapt uitasem prosoapele de plaja asa ca ne-am oprit la Ramona sa luam unul. Cand am ajuns la ea (sta aproape de lac), am vazut ca a inceput sa se inoreze, asa ca n-am mai mers la beach. Am fost totally pissed off. Niciodata nu merg lucrurile as planned.

Pana la urma ne-am plimbat prin German Town, si dupaia ne-am intalnit cu ceva prieteni la un gratar. A fost decent, chiar not so bad. Dupaia un stroll for some ice cream and a ride home.

Essentially not such a bad weekend, but it could’ve been better.

Now, the plan is to see more of Chicago, since i’ve been here for like way too many years, and i haven’t seen much. Also, on the plan is getting fitter. Already started with that. Now-a-days yours truly wakes up 30 minutes earlier to walk the dog and get some exercise. It’s nice, it gives me energy for the day.

So much for now. I’ll try to have a life so i can document it..and hopefully stay away from all my depressive states .

Imaginatzia at work..

I’m looking at this face

A tear in a race

It’s only one

There to see for me and no one

These eyes brown and clear

Looking at me with no fear

Anger and Supression

Telling tales of depression

Shattered into million pieces

Stare at me images of broken faces

Look again, have no fear

It’s me, fighting with a tear.

Just some thoughts.

Portitza domnului…

Si da, scriu cu “tz” and stuff like this, because maybe, and just maybe, i feel like it…or then again, i might not know better. Teach me oh wise one.

“The rising fever is providing me with the sweet relief of hallucinations. Where will they take me, what will i feel?

It keeps on coming back to me…that hot breath..that dark alee..nothing but loneliness; soothing loneliness. It is so relaxing.  Nothing but shadows keeping me company. What did i do to deserve their undivided attention?

Silence slaps me on the face, melting in my burning cheek and leaving its mark pulsating on my skin. Its like an aching kiss from your cold, frozen lips.

The wind keeps on singing sweet words to me; it guides me to the never ending darkness of the world.

It seems so welcoming and so personal.

Don’t be afraid, i’ll be waiting there for you….in the darkness…surrounded by pure nothingness.”

Just some thoughts.

Another Day, Another Bullet

So, like yesterday wasn’t bad enough, it just so happens that i carry a sign on my forehead that reads “give it to me.”

My appointment with the loan consultant sucked. I got there, late, and he tells me that he can’t help me, and gives me 2 phone numbers i can, and should call. Ok..dude..thanks a lot for wasting my time.

I canceled on school due to my shitty state of being.

Next, i go home and get pulled over by a cop. He drives like 30 miles an hour and i just can’t hold back and i pass him. He stops me and comes to my window with a grin as wide as the Grinch on Christmas. Mda…oh well, no ticket; this time.

I had to buy a plate sticker for 08-09 and it cost me $85.00..and then, the lady at the counter tells me that i need to buy a sticker for the Village, which is another $20.00. Yeah, ok, next time.

Sometimes it just amazes me how the state can take more and more money out of us.

So, to top it all off, my cold came back a lot harder then i thought. No sleep, fever, sweat, and a whole lot of chills.

Today is almost over, and looking back on the 3 days that i thought were never going to end, i must admit i got some things done. (be humble tu!)

I still feel like i didn’t accomplish nothing though….what’s worth remembering?

P.S. I’d like to create a list of the most memorable songs (in my humble, and all so important, opinion of course) but i’m too lazy. Maybe some other time. It’s a long, long list…with no purpose really.

Day 2 and counting

So, today is much better than Friday. Obviously. It’s around 2:53 and just now did i find time to bore the world around me (and that’s being totally ignorant and thinking that somebody reads this crap) a little bit.

So, my weekend with the friends totally sucked. Friday night, before going out, i was close to a nervous break down. Dressed, showered, ready to go, i noticed that my feet don’t feet my fancy shoes anymore. I didn’t even pay attention to the way my thyroid problem affected that part of my body. Friday i had a reality check and i felt like hiding under the bed until the world is over.

In the end, i put on some sandals on and went out. Big mistake. I got there and after a bottle and a half of wine (my friends drank, not I) i got a speech from one of the bf’s of my friends about how i but in too much and shit like that. I got super mad and totally disappointed. I spoke my mind and the whole ambiance went to the shitters. I got up and left.

So, Friday night i was called a whore, a bitch, and then some…by my friends; i should call them my ex-friends because then and there they became nobody’s for me. I can’t believe that concern for a girlfriend is perceived as butting in. Whatever, i have no more concern left for her..or anybody else for that matter. If asked, i might reconsider, but for right now, DON’T CARE!

Today, my cold decided to revisit me. I think it’s going to stick for a while. I’d say i feel like a dog, even though i don’t understand why people make the connection. Whatever, throat hurts, nose is running, head hurts, fever is present, and crabbiness is up the roof.

It won’t end soon though, because today, as ironic as it seems, i have a full schedule and i probably won’t be able to feel the softness of the couch/bed until like 9 pm. FUCK! Usually, every other day that is, i get home around 4, with nothing further to do and boredom as far as they eye can see. Today, is not that day!

Sun is shining though…so let’s look on the bright side. Yeah right!

1st day of Rehab

It’s my first day…i guess i came in with the right attitude, even though i couldn’t help but spend some serious amount of time last night thinking about today…what to do.

I could and probably will bury myself in work. Sad part is that if i really start working, i’ll probably finish all this bullshit in no time and then what?

I could have a staring contest with the computer..who would win? I can be really persistent.

Slowly but surely, this thing called life (and yeah, its filled with a ton of sarcasm and irony) is getting on my last nerve. There must be an out!

P.S. I’d like to trade my 3 series in for a Beetle. Any thoughts? Anybody?

Oh come on!

2:56 This day has been dragging like no other. On a quest to kill my boredom with something more intelligent than a session of nose picking i start searching the world wide web for some entertainment. Why do they call it so wide anyways? I wasn’t able to find anything that could even mildly stimulate my tired brain cells. From looking at stupid pictures that just made me sleepy, to reading little jokes, which to their defense, did bring a grin to my face, i ended up finding nothing! Nada! Niet!

This day reminds me of the summer days of last year, when i was here at the office, all by my lonesome, with nothing do to but look busy. It’s quite a task when you have nothing to work with.

I admit, there is work that could keep me busy, but i just cant make myself get near it. It covers my desk like a layer of dust; it’s everywhere and still it doesn’t bother me. It’s ironic because there are days when a million people ask for my attention and then there are days like today, where no troubled soul seems to remember my existence, and i do my best no to fall in a barrel of self pity. Good thing is i learned how to swim in it, so i manage to get out and then fall in again.

Despite this fruitless day, i’m still in an ok mood. What a stupid thing to say, i know.

In my quest to defeat boredom i also came across some other people’s blogs and all i could read was lavish stories of self destruction. It seems that a lot of people are in dire need of a shrink. We should form a society, maybe they will give us our own land and then we could have our own country. That’d be SUPER! I find it utterly sad, and interesting at the same time, to see teenagers of today (not that i’m so much older, thank you very much) that seem to think that a punk rock hair style gone wrong and some washed out Gothic clothes will give them an identity. I saw like 60 pictures of an 18 year old girl with red hair, a piercing in her chin, and the make up of all of England on her face, trying to be interesting by portraying herself as a walking corpse with a splash of color. I thought that is out of style already? So much for being unique.

So, now it’s like 3:21…i’m close to the end of this horrid day. The sun is shining, the bed is awaiting, and nothing interesting will happen.

Tonight is friends night out. It seems like we attempt to be “cool” again once in a while , but after getting together we realize that its not as easy as it seems. Nobody gets drunk anymore, everybody is tired of working, and most of us are just too bored with ourself and our surroundings.

I’m tired of this life. Next please!

Pre-rehab

I’m getting a taste of it…or better, without it..

It sucks…i’d rather just be addicted forever.

Screw u!

Again the Benjinator

Benjinator

Relaxing in the afternoon D-l.