To be or not so much?

Yesterday i let a stranger shatter me into millions of pieces with plain words, not directed to anything. Yes, i let him. Why? I don’t know. I guess i believed that with age comes wisdom, because that’s what they say. I’d like to disagree, but what do I know? Do i know anything, or is knowing nothing the most you can ever hope to know?

He spoke about my future. A man, totally strange to my past, has taken it upon him to tell me that however my past was, however much suffering i endured, and how many little wars i have won against the world, my future will be ten times as bad if i leave.

He tells me that, contrary to popular belief, the world is not mine for the taking. It has given all it has to give and I wasn’t there to receive it. Now I am to pick up the pieces others have deemed unworthy of their possession. More than that so, the more I wait the less I will be able to take.

He proceeds in telling me, like everybody else for that matter, that if I stay and I get motivated, I will have the chance to accumulate a fortune in the time I was give to spend on earth. Why is it that a fortune to me is not the same as a fortune to him, but the need for survival is spoken in the same language? that of money.

Sometimes I feel like people are out to make me understand that no matter how much faith I put in myself and my abilities, it won’t make a difference. Our society has come to the point where nothing else matters, and nothing else can be done. Who am I to think that there still is a place for me?

Why do they put me down? Is there genuine concern, from people such as parents and friends, who actually look out for your? Or are some so bitter that time was the criminal that stole their years and they can’t bare the thought of somebody else getting a fighting chance?

It seemed like a never ending day. I felt bombarded with questions I had no answers to, or i just didn’t want to answer. They didn’t care though; they kept on coming.

I was yearning for the sweet relief of sleep that just couldn’t have come an earlier and last any longer.

At last I found it in a chewed up little white bottle. It took me in the dark, away from the screaming voices of my world.

Today, the journey has begun again; and so it will begin tomorrow, and the day after that, until my body is overtaken by exhaustion; my mind seems not to care enough to even utter an opinion.