Man

Man is so afraid of the end, he forgets to begin.

The state of the End

I think I saw the end.

Two yellow eyes were looking through my soul. I could feel them open up every locked door within me. They paralyzed me. I couldn’t move or think, all I could do was to let them drain me of all my thoughts, my fears, my needs, and my wants.

If I would’ve felt something, I imagine I would’ve felt pain and anguish die away. I would’ve felt relief and hollowness like never before. If I could’ve thought, I would’ve thought about the power of nothingness, about the gift of eternal ignorance. If I could’ve spoken, I would’ve shouted those eyes a million thanks.

I couldn’t do anything. All I did was nothing.

Have you ever yearned for ignorance as you do for your every day breath?

I have.

Frustration!!

So, today my yahoo webmessenger is not working. It’s ridiculous. My one pleasure when I’m at work, well besides reading a great book once i have some time, is not working today. I followed the guidelines to fix it, but it didn’t want to fix itself. IT sucks!!

Yesterday people at my work more or less told me that I NEED to be here as long as possible. If it were up to them I would work until my ass would have to be on the plane. Yeah..forget that. Depending on how my mood will fluctuate in the next weeks, I will decide if I can stand it here for an extra week.

On other notes, there are 6 weeks left until i step on Romanian soil again. Pray for me.

And Ioane, a blog is supposed to be personal, not abstract. If I want to read abstract, citesc Biblia D-le.

Ha ha..hi hi..was it me?

Well, it seems like the truth did stir up some commotion. Hmm, i wonder why?

I’m wondering if anybody is looking for explanations now. Has anybody been hurt by words just thrown out there due to the lack of any other physical activity? Ahmmm..well now you know how it feels.

Details of everybody’s reaction, as I get to witness it, will be updated on a first heard, first told basis.

P.S. I love my bf and he loves me. Who loves you today?

Beware, Beware, the truth is out there!

I figured my future self would not forgive my present, then past, self if I wouldn’t record this great event, so that later I can have something to laugh at. I could also use this story as an example of human stupidity.
And so the story goes….
On e Friday evening three girls, long on and off again friends, meet to have a drink and spill some gossip. The fourth one could not make it this time, but its presence proved to be of little consequence to this story.
Said girls drop of boyfriends to hang out with each other (the ones who could be proud of having boyfriends, that is) and headed to nearby establishment to consume some alcoholic beverages and hopefully ruin their lives with 6 cocktails and a whole lot of naughty behavior.
(Words have been changed around to fit the narrative of the story)
While standing in line to  be seated, conversation broke out:
B Girl: So girls, what happened in Romania? We’ve heard you kissed this guy, so what’s going on? Spill it!
J Girl: Well, nothing really, I’ll tell you guys when we sit down.
A Girl: Well, B Girl, stuff has been said about you too. Who are you going out with now-a-days? Heard you have a new lover boy.
B Girl: Hmm..no, I’m not saying anything. You guys can never keep your mouths shut! (and so right she was…)
After around 20 minutes of waiting time, the girls finally got seated and drinks started to pour while stories just spilled like waterfalls out of the eager mouths, ready to tell and to be heard.
J Girl: So, this guy in Romania, I actually fucked him 4 or 5 times. We say each other every day from the 2nd week I got there until I left to visit my grandparents. He called me every day, it was nice.
A Girl: And, was he better than your boyfriend?
J Girl: No, the same I guess.
B Girl: OMG!!
J Girl: Yeah…and also, I’ve been dating this guy from my school, Chris, for like 8 months. Since last year around Halloween.
A Girl: What??? Holly Crap!!
J Girl: Well, you know, since I’ve been to Romania, I’ve opened my eyes, and I see that there is other stuff out there besides being in a relationship with the same guy for 5 years. I want to experience new things, to date, to have fun.
B Girl: Oh yeah, me too.
A Girl: Speaking of which, what is going on with you and this guy you’re seeing?
B Girl: Well, I’ve been seeing him for like 3 weeks or so, he’s super nice, and I really like him. I want to break up with boyfriend, because it’s not working anymore. He won’t change.
And so the conversation went on and on, opinions were said and spread, and more cocktails were ordered.
An hour or so later, B Girl’s new fling calls and decides to stop by. So, girls get to meet new hot guy who’s swept B Girl of her tiny feet.
Totally nice guy, totally not my type, but that doesn’t matter. The guy is soft spoken, mannered, and he seems to care about B Girl. Good for her, I say.
A little later, after conversation took a more superficial turn, J Girl’s boyfriend shows up to pick us up and drop us off at home.
Now, J Girl’s boyfriend sees B Girl with her new fling, figures out that 2 and 2 do make 4, and tells B Girl that she needs to come clean with her still boyfriend because he is not as stupid as he looks. B Girl does not reply, the atmosphere is ruined, and the party splits.
Next day I talk to C Girl, the one that missed the soirée because of her actual existing social life, unlike some of us (yours truly), and I tell her what has happened. She is totally shocked, but at the same time a little uninterested. It all seems like a bad soap opera; something somebody would watch for 30 seconds, forced by the mere fact that the channel changing button could not be found any sooner.
Life goes on, and things start to be forgotten, or so we think.
In the meantime J Girl get’s tongue-twisted by her boyfriend and spills her guts about her affairs in Romania.
J Girl: How did you find out, who told you?
J Girl BF: You’re friend B Girl rated you out. While we’re at it, why don’t you tell B Girl’s BF what she’s been up to lately?
J Girl: Ah..well..yeah, she’s been seeing this other guy for like a while, and she really likes him, and we meet him last night, etc.
In the meantime, I and the other two girls are totally in the dark of the events unfolding.
I get a call from J Girl’s BF and he informs me that relations between himself and said GF have come to an end and he is dropping her off at home. I express my sincerest condolences and move on with my life.
C Girl calls me a little later and tells me that she has spoken to J Girls’ BF and he told her how J Girl has spilled her guts thinking that somebody betrayed her, and how she then, in turn, betrayed B Girl, thinking that she was the person at fault for the ruin of her relationship.
This just gets too much to handle. Both C Girl and I are starting to laugh our asses off.
The next day, I meet up with C Girl for some quality time and the following happens:
Ring, Ring. I’m calling B Girl to see what happened to her and her BF after he found out. She tells me that J Girl with her BF and B Girl’s BF showed up at her work and told her that they knew everything and B Girl’s BF also told her that it’s over and he will move out of their apartment. B Girl is in shock but does not react too strongly. On their way out from her work J Girl and her boyfriend tell B Girl that the person who told on her was A Girl.
What a shame, the game has started to take ugly turns.
I correct B Girl on the specifics of the events and she get’s totally pissed. She even utters the unforgettable remark that she does not wish to see any of the said individuals again.
C Girl and I totally out of our shells, decide to call said individuals for some confrontation. The news got the best of us, and we just lost ourselves.
Confrontation does not happen, because I get too upset with the hypocrisy of certain individuals and hang up the phone.
Later I get to find out that not only did J Girl confess to one indiscretion, she confessed to 5. How stupidity sometimes rules your action is still an amusing enigma to me. J Girl’s BF decides he has some confessions as well and starts telling his GF that he too has stepped outside of the line once with C Girl. I guess he just needed something to say so he doesn’t stand in front of the GF whom he supposedly does not care for empty handed, as it may seem. How can a guy like him, a total lady lover, not have anything to show for the last 5 years he spent with J Girl?! Totally unacceptable!! A man has a reputation to uphold. Stupidity has taken over him, but not the whole of him. He decides it’s best to keep certain things to himself, and save some of his indiscretions for some other opportune time.
It seems like true love does conquer all, or not really. Sitting at the breakfast table, they all felt a little relieved that things were finally said, but little did they know that while they washed down the bacon strips with some OJ, their minds worked over time trying to put together an agenda for the future.
J Girl BF: Hmm…I hope she will still take me back, I need papers, damn it!
B Girl BF: Fuck…now I’ll never get my papers. All this time wasted on that stupid blond. Maybe I should take her back….
J Girl: Tralalalal alalalalala…hmm..this table is round. Wow!! Is BF now EX BF..hmm, I can’t remember how I decided. He’s smiling at me, I guess it’s all good. I’ll have 2 BF again once the guy from Romania comes over. Yay!!
Still in shock over what happened C Girl and I part ways around the middle of the afternoon. Home and with nothing to do, I decide to follow up on B Girl and see what her status is now that her BF found out about the new guy.
Damn phone! I should’ve just put it down when I had a chance to.
I found out from B Girl that after careful (or so she says) consideration she decided to get back together with her BF. He changed she says. He went from the kind of BF that hits her head against the door because he just feels like it or he doesn’t like her comment at the dinner table, to the kind of BF that forgives and forgets, and becomes a 18th century kind of Casanova. And all that, overnight folks. You hear right.
And like this could get any more complicated, right? Well it does. I think I should sell this story to the Mexican movie making ppl..or are they Spanish? What’s the difference again? (:P hihi) A great TELENOVELA would come out of this. I could get rich!! Hmm…
B Girl tells me that the story has taken another turn and this time the truth came out, and so it goes:
B Girl: J Girl’s BF told me that you told C Girl what we said the other night, and that she got so pissed that she was mentioned to have hang out with J Girl’s BF that she told him everything that you said, and she also told him to make sure that all this get’s to the ears of my beloved BF. And that’s the truth. I know it so!
I was stunned, as you can well imagine. I tried to explain that things were not at all like he pictured them for the 3rd time, but it was to no array. Her mind was set up.
Now, they’re probably having foursome’s with a hidden agenda, and each of them thinks that new plans can get made and followed, and this time around nothing can ruin them.
Did somebody learn a lesson? Are things better left unsaid? Hmm..Duh?
Well, if thoughts could speak, they’d have much more to say, especially mine.
See, I seem to remember everything that I never meant to remember, like the fact that more cheating has happened on everybody’s parts, and that I was privileged enough to see more hidden agendas along my friendship with them, and one day, my thoughts will talk.
The day will come, and it will come as unexpected as an STD when you forget to put the condom on while you shake your ass up and down in a public bathroom with the guy that hands out the toilet paper. All he wanted was $1, and if you had no change, I doubt he was expecting a free ride down the worn out roller coaster you girlies call pussy.
So, ta da, ta da…beware, beware, the truth is out there.

P.S. You have much more to hide, from many more people, than you think.